Be quick to help, not criticise, your spouse


“Lord, if it is you, ask me to come!”

Do you remember that account in the bible of Peter stepping out to walk on water after he saw Jesus do the same? Good. Now, let me “re-write” it a little bit to illustrate my point. Here we go. 🙂

Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

“Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

Jesus immediately shouted at Peter, “For goodness’ sake! What is wrong with you? Can’t you do anything right? I’m walking on water, right…can you see me doing it effortlessly? Why can’t you do the same? Why do you refuse to commit to anything I ask you to do?” 

Okay. Imagine if that had been Jesus’ response. Peter would have probably drowned! But we know it’s not. What did Jesus do instead?

He immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”

Two things are very important to note here, if you want to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.

1. Jesus provided help straightaway. He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t judge. He simply reached out and helped. When your spouse is struggling with something – particularly if it is an area you are strong in – it’s very easy to compare their own capacity in that area to yours. But I find it so easy, why are you struggling with it? Remember though, God put the two of you together to complement each other – that means, where one is strong, the other will most likely be weak. Having this mindset will actually make you proud to help your spouse when they are struggling, because you know that is why God brought you into their life.

2. Jesus did not keep quiet about the failing. He addressed it but not in the way we tend to. After providing the help that was needed, he showed Peter why he had struggled. “You have so little faith.” He didn’t claim brownie points for being the “strong” one. He very simply presented the information to Peter and it was up to Peter to accept the advice and work on improving himself, or not. That is so hard to do in a relationship! Leaving the other person to take responsibility for their own personal development. But as we see here with Jesus, that is what is required. When we entrust our spouse to themselves and to God, we are expressing our confidence in God and in our spouse to sort it out. Because the truth is, it is only when we don’t have confidence in a person’s ability to effect change that we resort to hounding and trying to micromanage their life.

Be like Jesus. Help first. Afterwards, you can present your advice for change but in a non-judgmental way. Then sit back, relax and let your spouse and God work it out.

Olawunmi xx


About the Author


Hey there! I am Olawunmi, Mindset Transformation Coach.

I help Christians achieve their biggest dreams by first of all, identifying and destroying the limiting mindsets that have held them back.

Check out my website for more details of how I can help you live the life of your dreams:

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