This week I bring you the third step towards creating the marriage of your dreams. Missed Steps 1 and 2? Click here to catch up.
Step 3: Look inward, not to your spouse, for change.
It is a little known fact that you don’t get in life what you want. You get in life who you are! That means, no matter how strong your desire is for a type of life, your present reality will not change until you develop yourself to the level required for that life. The success guru, Jim Rohn, explained this point in a fascinating way:
To have more than you’ve got, become more than you are. This is where you should focus most of your attention. Otherwise, you just might have to contend with the axiom of not changing, which is: Unless you change how you are, you’ll always have what you’ve got.
Think about this: we teach a child that he or she must learn and study diligently to experience growth in order to progress to the next phase of his or her life. Does the same principle not apply to adults? Yet, most people want (wish, really) to progress to the next phase of their lives without investing time and effort into acquiring the growth and personal development required for that phase.
It’s even more worrying when it comes to marriages and relationships. People will happily read books, take courses, or get a mentor or coach to develop their career, finances, etc. but will invest little or no time and effort into building a successful marriage. They just kind of let life teach them along the way. The problem with this approach is, life tends to lead down a path that is least expected or desired.
So, when was the last time you read a good book on marriage? Or sat down with a happily married couple to ask them questions? Or taken definite steps to address the character flaws and bad habits that you know are causing tension in your home?
Remember this: if you want the marriage of your dreams, resist the temptation to look outward and expect (or demand) change from your spouse. Look inward instead, and sow the seeds for change. Make a daily commitment to work towards becoming the wife (or husband) your spouse has always dreamed of and everything else will fall into place.
About the Author
Hi, I’m Olawunmi.
I am a transformational life coach and I help purpose-driven Christians who feel dissatisfied or stuck in a rut to transform their lives by harnessing the wisdom and the power of God.