7 Steps to the Marriage of Your Dreams (Part 1)


Did you know that the state of your marriage today is the sum total of the seeds (thoughts, words, actions, choices) you sowed in the last 3 to 12 months?

That means in as little as three months to a year, you can experience noticeable changes and progress in your marriage if you begin the process of transformation now. It doesn’t matter how far gone you think your relationship is from your dream marriage, or how long it has been in heading the wrong direction. Every challenge responds to the application of wisdom.

Over the next few weeks, I will share with you 7 steps that if applied, will set you firmly on the path to your desired marriage.

Step 1

Create a written, clearly defined goal and a strategic plan.

Sounds basic, right? But the truth is goal setting is Success 101; the absolute starting point. Anyone that is serious about making meaningful and substantial progress in any area of life must set meaningful goals. Yet I’m amazed at how many people go through life year in, year out, and never take deliberate steps to plan towards a great marriage. They just sort of plod along, doing the same things, the same way, whilst hoping and praying for a different outcome. It is not enough to desire a great marriage and then to leave it to chance. You have to set a specific destination point that clearly defines the type of relationship you want to enjoy with your spouse. The more detailed the better!

Next, create a plan (road map) of how you will get there. Someone once said, “A goal without a plan is a wish.” To put it simply, a plan of action awakens your recognition system to opportunities around you that you had previously ignored. That is, by breaking down your ultimate goal into intermediate destinations (smaller, achievable targets) and attaching clear, easy-to-implement actions to each target, you transform your goal from an airy-fairy wish into a navigation system or a road map.

Take for example, a lady whose marriage has gone flat. She and her husband barely discuss anything beyond the children or the technicalities of running a home. There is no warmth, very little affection and they both feel that the love they once shared is gone. Her goal might be to recreate and build intimacy in her marriage. That’s a great goal. But considering the current state of her marriage, how do they go from barely speaking to loved up? It appears daunting and out of her reach. Where can she even begin? That’s where her detailed plan will come in handy.

Let’s say her husband has always complained that she barely spends any time with him. She’s always preoccupied with the children, her work, the house chores…whatever. Her first destination point might be to work towards spending an hour of “alone time” with her husband every night – no kids, no TV, no mobile phones, no work of any kind. Whilst that simple change might not completely revolutionise her marriage, it’s a step in the right direction. It is something that she can begin working on straightaway, instead of doing nothing and waiting for that “one day” when her marriage suddenly turns around. Remember this: Goals set the destination. But a plan gives you wings!

In creating you plan, you should ask yourself and answer these questions:

  1. What does my final destination look like? How will I know when I get there?
  2. What are the intermediate destinations (smaller targets) along the way that I can celebrate?
  3. What knowledge and skills do I need to acquire? What am I lacking now that is preventing me from having an intimate marriage?
  4. Who do I need to help me get there? Books, mentor, coach, inspirational resources, etc.

Step 2 coming up next week…

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About the Author


Hi, I’m Olawunmi. I am a transformational life coach and I help purpose-driven Christians who feel dissatisfied or stuck in a rut to transform their lives by harnessing the wisdom and the power of God. Check out my websites: www.OlawunmiBrigue.com www.marriedlifetoday.org for free resources and to see how I can be of help to you.

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