Feeling unhappy and unfulfilled in your relationship? This might be why.


You complete me. We’ve all heard it. Ever since the dashing Tom Cruise used that great line to express his undying love for Renee Zellweger. (By the way, Tom Cruise was once my Hollywood crush 👌🏽😂😎)

You complete me. It sounds like a great thing to say to one’s spouse. And many couples have indeed used it to express their affection for one another. But let’s examine what those three words are really saying. You complete me… Does that mean I am whole only because of you? Am I saying that if you had not come in to my life, I would never have lived my life to the optimum?

You see, here’s the problem with the “You complete me” concept: A marriage is only as strong as its component parts — namely, husband and wife. Therefore, a thriving marriage is made up of two thriving individuals. It’s not half and half. Not 50-50. But two whole individuals. The world says 1/2 + 1/2 = 1. But in God’s marriage plan, 1 + 1 = 1.

When a person goes into marriage believing their spouse is the source of their completeness, there’s a problem. They will increasingly place unrealistic expectations on their spouse to meet emotional and spiritual needs that only God can meet. They will depend on their husband/wife to make them happy. To make them fulfilled. To keep them motivated. To always have answers to their problems. To be their source of joy. They would be tossed to and fro by every word, action, gesture and mood of their imperfect spouse. Why? They have defined their existence – who they are – by the value they receive from that relationship. 

On the other hand, people who keep God as their Source and at the centre of marriage naturally depend on him, and not their spouse, to keep their cup full. When difficult times come and their spouse disappoints, or is not there for them as they expected, they don’t fall apart. They are holding on to the Immovable Rock, not an imperfect spouse. They live each day with purpose and to the full, happy and content in the assurance that God loves them and has got their back no matter what.

In a healthy, godly marriage, a couple complement, not complete, each other. Yes, it was a great line Tom, but sorry, it’s complete sentimental tosh. 😀


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