If you respond to conflicts this way, you’re exposing your marriage to the destroyer


Door Left Open at Entrance to Home Foyer

I slept, but my heart was awake, when I heard my lover knocking and calling: “Open to me, my treasure, my darling, my dove, my perfect one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.” But I responded, “I have taken off my robe. Should I get dressed again? I have washed my feet. Should I get them soiled?” My lover tried to unlatch the door, and my heart thrilled within me. I jumped up to open the door for my love, and my hands dripped with perfume. My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh as I pulled back the bolt. I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank. I searched for him but could not find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply. The night watchmen found me as they made their rounds. They beat and bruised me and stripped off my veil, those watchmen on the walls.

Believe it or not, that except is actually from the bible. Hmm mm! ‭Song of Songs‬ ‭5‬:‭2-7‬ NLT Whoever says God is a bore hasn’t read Songs of Solomon. 😀

The story paints the picture of a wife whose expectation was disappointed or delayed. She desired something from her husband, something dear to her. But he let her down quite seriously. He didn’t come through for her when she expected him to.

When he finally did what she desired, she was still focused on his past mistake and couldn’t let go of her disappointment. Instead of being pleased and grateful, she responded to him out of her bitterness. She refused to acknowledge him and rewarded his effort with rejection, disapproval and disrespect.

The husband also made a mistake. His reaction to being rejected was not with patience, tolerance and understanding, but in anger and frustration. He walked away. Maybe not physically. He may have left emotionally (distant, unresponsive, silent treatment…), financially (refusing to provide for the home), or spiritually.

After the wife vented her anger, her emotions calmed down and she realised she had gone too far. She tried to make amends. She went out of her way and tried to get her husband back. But there was now some distance between them. The distance had grown and was almost as wide as a gulf. And neither of them knew how to bridge it.

The husband had chosen to take leave of his responsibility as the head, the provider and the covering for his family. Why? He was angry. Or he felt disrespected. Or he wanted to teach her a lesson. But what he didn’t know was that in doing so, he had also left the door wide open and exposed his wife and his marriage to the destroyer, who immediately jumped at the opportunity to come in and wreak havoc.

The husband and the wife, through selfishness (unholy focus on one’s own interests and feelings) had both played a part in this.

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