Hand up if you’ve ever uttered these words to your spouse: “Hmm, before we got married oh you used to…” Em, how do I put up both hands and legs? 😂 Of course, the underlying suggestion here is that at one point or another, everyone (male and female) feels under-appreciated by their spouse no matter how super-human they are. But what is really puzzling is how a guy will almost give his soul during The Chase and then dial it down a notch or two (or a million) after he puts the ring on it.
I like to find out why things happen or don’t happen. If I latch on to something that puzzles me, I’m like a dog with a bone – I don’t let go until I get an answer. So you can imagine how determined I was to solve this one mystery that has puzzled millions of women all over the world (okay, slight exaggeration here 😀).
Well, I knew this much – it’s not because he suddenly loves his wife less after marriage; in most cases his love and admiration for her actually grow. So, I went to my resident wise-guy (aka God), and he used this scripture to help me see it from two very important perspectives:
“Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!” Matthew 13:45-46 NLT
The first perspective is the wife’s, and it blew my mind. I saw that I am a valuable treasure all by myself, without the need for anyone to “complete” me. And that the only reason my husband found me is because God showed him some amazing favour (Proverbs 18:22). Wow, that got me very excited. Single or married, there is an inheritance in me whose value is priceless and pre-assigned by God alone. As a woman, this is the cure for all forms of insecurity and self-condemnation. What it also does is give a strong sense of purpose. That means there really is no time to hang about or wallow in self-pity. There are people whose lives will be transformed by the treasures I carry, so I just need to get on with it.
The second one is the husband’s. What does a treasure do? Well, it adds value to the owner’s life. The reason a man will give up (almost) everything he has to chase a lady is because he sees her as a treasure that will add value to his life. Now, here is why I believe The Chase (or after marriage, The Nurture) goes AWOL: Once that treasure belongs to him, there is a tendency to want to sit back and expect his wife to automatically start releasing her value into his life. You’re my wife now, I’ve done my part; over to you. Now the problem with this mindset is that whilst the value of the treasure is not determined by, nor can be corrupted by any external factor, its productivity is dependent on the nurture it receives. If the treasure is oppressed or dominated, the revenue it generates is significantly restricted. If it is not taken care of and esteemed, then it will require more and more energy to produce even the most basic of results.
In a nutshell:
Wives, don’t wait for nurture. With determination, draw on God’s strength, go forward and release every treasure God has placed in you for your husband, your children and your generation. You’re too loaded to settle for an average life.
Husbands, don’t withhold nurture. You’ll be amazed at how the value your wife adds to your life will grow exponentially with a little TLC. My husband says something and I wholly agree with him: “If the treasure (wife) is not delivering its worth, check the one (husband) it was committed to.”